Tuesday, March 21, 2006

My Childless Week

There was actually not much knitting done during my childless week last week. I did however do too much drinking, and a stayed out a little too late every night. But it was nice. To not have to find a babysitter or inconvience a family member is such a good feeling that I was truly able to relax and have fun with my friends.

The exchange of Zander from Mommy to Daddy went better than I could have imagined. Zander was excited to see his father (although painfully shy) and the excitement Nick portrayed almost put me in tears. Okay, I did tear up-- I had to walk away for a minute and fiddle with zander's suitcases until I could collect myself.

Nick was great about calling and telling me what Zander had been up to, how he was sleeping, etc. Zander was having so much fun that he didn't even want to be bothered with talking to me on the phone until Thursday.

As we all know, friday was St. Patty's Day. My sister and our friends lived it up at Jack Quinn's Irish Pub in Covington, Kentucky. What a good time!

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Um, yeah, that's water in my cup. You got it!

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I wonder if we realized we were holding our drinks up like that. Dorks.

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That's me, Chris, my sister (Erin), and her boyfriend Sean.-- Our friend Chris played the bagpipes at the pub. He was amazing. And his shirt won first prize in my book: "I'm the Irishman your mother warned you about."

Then, as far as knitting. I cast off my river lace stole. No, I didn't finish it. I grew bored of it. It was a lace project. I felt semi- successful at it. The reason I say semi is because I found several mistakes while stretching it out and admiring it this week that I decided. "Okay, lesson learned." And cast off. I will block it and then maybe put it in a picture frame to display in my apartment. (Come on apartment... we need an apartment.)

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I made very little progress of my sweater. The first sleeve is underway still. I'm not even an inch into it. I hate 2x2 ribbing on DPNs, so as soon as I get past that part it will hopefully be smooth sailing.

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Finally, after casting off the lace "stole" I cast back on for the home sweet home memories shawl from Knitpicks. With sock weight yarn and size 5 needles this project should be a little easier to detect mistakes while still giving me practice with lace techniques.

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That's all from here.

Posted by Melanie at 9:12 AM 5 comments

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Back To Knitting

Thanks for letting me vent yesterday... back to the real world.


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And Zander had to help by taking a few pictures. Here is my budding photographer. Toes complimentary.

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So I cast on for the first sleeve (knit in the round) but decided to work on my river lace stole for a few days so I can meet another of my March goals.
No pictures yet, but I will hopefully have more time to post (and knit) this week since I'll be childless.

Posted by Melanie at 9:24 PM 6 comments

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Every day is a new bend in the road

The one thing I've learned about divorce is that no day is going to be the same. Some days you're independent and your day runs like a well oiled machine. Other days you're angry, confused, frustrated, sad, overwhelmed.

Lately I've been wondering how I'm even keeping my sanity. I'm doing too much. Way too much. I work too many hours. I go to school. I have built up a social life, started a few new social beginnings. I am raising a determined, stubborn two year old man. And I'm learning to be a single mom. I feel I have just started mastering this ARTFORM of single parenthood. And I feel like I'm doing a good job. My little guy knows that I love him. I love him with the strength of two people. I give him the guidance, support, and attention that he needs to thrive. I was just at the stage of getting past "where is the father? Why doesn't he call? why doesn't he see little Z?" And I was starting to say, "He doesn't need two parents to thrive. He just needs lots of love."

Suddenly I am just 2 short days away from handing over the most important thing in my life for 6 days to his father who has suddenly decided after 7 months that he needs to see his son. My internal battle is raging. I have never felt so lost and so confused by anything in my entire life. More so than the confusing decision I made to divorce him, or the decision I made to move on with my life, or the decision I made to be the best mom and dad that I could be.

I have been both parents. It has been a very long seven months. And I can be selfish about if I want, but truth of the matter is that Zander has a father. And if his father wants to see him he has that right. Zander should have a relationship with his father. But part of me wants to shelter him-- wrap my arms around him and refuse to let him out of my sight. How long until the next time the ex will visit? How long until the next phone call? Will this be my life in a vicious cycle of wanting what is best for my child, while trying to guard him (without making his decisions for him). Will Zander be mad at me if this becomes a vicious cycle and I let it continue on for years? Will Zander be mad at me if one day I decide to break this cycle and end their relationship? What is the right answer?

And besides drinking a lot of beer and jack and coke next week how will I get through six days without my little boy?

Posted by Melanie at 11:39 PM 7 comments

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Just to make myself feel better

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That's about 9.5-10" of the cardi. I know it's not much to look at, but since I'm no longer feeling ill (thank you for the well wishes) I knew I had to post what little progress I've made since the last time I posted pictures about 1.5 weeks ago. The stockinette stitch is beginning to bore me. I'm lucky really. I had a strong urge to cast on again for the Home Sweet Home Shawl (I originally bought the yarn and pattern from Knitpicks, but can no longer find it on their site) but the first 20 rows are all knit, so I figured I'd keep plugging along on the sweater. I still have my river lace stole to work on... I just ripped back to a lifeline and put it back on the needles (a semi challenging feat) so I need to make sure I picked up all the stitches before I start plugging away on that again. But anyway, point being, there's about to be a temporary project change since the stock. st. is beginning to bore me. (like we didn't know that was coming.)

I'm off to go buy a new keyboard for my laptop since zander managed to rip off the "S" and "Z" keys. (Don't even ask how I'm getting them to type. I don't want to talk about it!

Posted by Melanie at 12:28 PM 2 comments

Friday, March 03, 2006

March Goals

February Goals:
1. Finish Scott's Scarf before February 10th. DONE.
2. Pick a project and swatch before the knitting olympics begin. DONE.
3. Knit & complete the winter olympics project. DONE.
4. Complete the sleeves for the Classic Cardigan. NOT DONE. Sweater is MIA.

March Goals:
1. Get to the arm hole decreases on the grey cardigan.
2. Cast on only one project this month (it can be socks or maybe the home sweet home shawl- something to break up the monotony of stockinette stitch.)
3. Make a little progress on an old UFO.

That's all. I've been down with the flu this week. No knitting to report and no interesting news.

Oh yeah, besides this: Nick was served with Divorce papers this week. My joy was pretty much there until he informed me that he's not signing them, that he doesn't agree with the child support payments and he doesn't agree with the child custody arrangements. I say, when you grow up and actually CALL your son on occassion (That does mean more than once every few months) then you have the right to ask for some form of custody. Until then buzz off.

Happy march. May you bring lots of sunshine and a successful child support/custody hearing at the end of the month. Moving up and on.

Posted by Melanie at 10:29 AM 2 comments